John Clark pondering the sorta survival of another Maine winter. I say sorta because it ain’t over yet and I daren’t count the lost parts and number of chips and dings in my psychic paint job. We’re at that sketchy point where we can’t distract ourselves by watching football, The Red Sox are already written off, and there’s too little ice to venture upon should we want to fish.

There are, however some new, or remaining distractions. Black ice is in plentiful supply, and there are so many potholes, you don’t dare glower at the jerk in the other lane (or in love with your tailpipe) for fear of dropping into one as big as the one that claimed Aunt Thelma and her 1978 Buick last Sunday. It was kinda nice that the Foursquare Gospel Baptist Church in East Bumtwinkle adapted on the fly, combining the outdoor teen baptism with her funeral on less than two hours notice. And let us not forget a most enduring Maine tradition, the March town meeting. Sadly attended by only citizens looking at fifty in their rear view mirror (save for the occasional gullible soul who just moved here from Massachusetts intent upon pontificating to the cynical), it’s guaranteed to provide distraction and comic relief, not to mention sinful whoopie pies sold at the break by the church ladies, all proudly displaying their recently acquired tri-color Jesus tattoos. The more enterprising PTAs and fire departments in towns north of Augusta also put on the classic bingo version known as Bullshit. Cards have a one or two word catch phrase in each square like, ‘in my opinion’, ‘rollin’ in his grave’, Damn teachers’, and ‘we cant afford it.’ Whoever fills in a line first, jumps up and hollers ‘Bullshit!” They get half the pot.

In the spirit of helping you faithful readers here at MCW, I’ve come up with a new challenge to ease you through the month of March. I call it the DeLorme Follies in honor of that publication no real Mainer ever leaves home without. GPS is for wimps. Anyhow, below are clues to town names that change quite a bit with the addition of one or two letters at the beginning or end. I’ll add the answers later today. Early favorite at getting the most correct is Sandy Emerson.

1-Add one letter to this town and serve over pasta.

2-add one letter to this town and imagine lute players strolling while singing medieval songs.

3-Add one letter and it sounds like a hint or an aid to solving a crime.

4-Add a letter and you might do this with your stash during a bust.

5-Add a letter and get an oversexed Maine animal.

6-add a letter and this is what the patient hunter did.

7-Add a letter and get a town where everyone could shame you.

8-Add a letter and this might be what a vampire’s wife looks like.

9-Add a letter and this might be a town describing enduring beauty.

10-Add a letter and get a town where no one ever forgets

11-Add a letter and find a town where everything feels icky.

12-Add a letter and get a town full of poultry.

13-Add a letter and get a town where everyone is unsteady.

14-Add two letters and get a town where everyone looks and acts weird.

15-Add a letter and get a town where everything is secured.

16-Add a letter and get a town where everyone is a careless driver.

17-Add two letters and get a town where you might gather with family of classmates.

18-Add a letter and get a town full of nervous people who move a lot.

19-Add 2 letters and get Confederate soldiers.

20-Add a letter and get a town full of hucksters.

************************************************* The answers:

Alfred/Alfredo

Bar Harbor/Bard Harbor

Lubec/Clubec

Wallagrass/Swallagrass

Moosehorn/Moosehorny

Waite/Waited

Cornville/Scornville

Alewife/Palewife

Deep Cut/Deep Cute

Emory Corner/ Memory Corner

Limestone/Slimestone

Enfield/Henfield

Otter Creek/Totter Creek

Rangeley/Strangeley

Teap Corner/Strap Corner

Madrid/Madride

Union/Reunion

Kittery/Skittery

South Arm/South Army

Camden/Scamden