Photo by Sebastian Voortman on Pexels.com
Lea Wait, here. Some of you may remember that about three years ago I posted about my husband, Bob Thomas, his health issues., and how they were changing our lives. I followed that up, always with Bob’s approval, with further posts a year later, and then, earlier this spring, when he entered hospice. As most of you know, Bob died peacefully at home in our bed on April 9.
Since then, my life has been busy and, in many ways, has felt surreal. I miss Bob, and think of him every hour of every day. I’m trying to get our house and my writing commitments in order. I’ve hosted two of my granddaughters, and eighteen-year-old Vanessa is with me for the summer, working at the Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens before she begins college in August.
I haven’t really had – or taken – the time to grieve. I have family commitments and manuscript deadlines, and I just launched a new mystery series.
But now, in the ironies of life, another change has come.
As a short bit of background — before Bob and I were married I’d taken care of my mother for many years, and Bob had cared for his mother, who died of pancreatic cancer. He also cared for his wife of only a few months, who died of pancreatic cancer only nine months after his mother. When Bob and I decided to marry we knew one of us would some day be taking care of the other. Although Bob’s health wasn’t the best, even those 15 years ago, he believed that someday he would be caring for me … that I, too, would get pancreatic cancer. Every time I had any physical issue he would ask the doctor to check that I didn’t have it. Finally, it became a kind of joke with us. My health was good — no history of serious diseases, heart, stroke, or cancer. No family history.
So ten days ago when I got very dizzy, and the dizziness didn’t go away within a few hours, and I ended up at an emergency room, I asked the doctors to check not only my head, but also my abdomen. I’d been having a few minor pains. Indigestion? Maybe my gall bladder?
Twenty-four hours later, after an increasingly detailed series of tests, I learned that, yes, almost unbelievably, I have pancreatic cancer. It’s stage four — it’s spread to my liver.
I’ve seen an oncologist. Today I’m having a biopsy and a mediport will be implanted so I can more easily get chemotherapy. The cancer is terminal, but chemo might give me more good months to live.
I’m continuing to work on my books and make appearances, and plan to continue doing those things as long as I can. I haven’t given up. But, once again, I’m dealing with illness that I can medicate to some degree, but over which I have no control. This time the illness is mine.
I ‘m not planning to post daily bulletins on Facebook, or make this blog the diary of a cancer patient, but so many of you came along with me and were touched by Bob’s journey that I felt I wanted to include you on mine as well.
For the moment I feel fine except for occasional twinges. That will change. But one thing we all know: death is a part of life.
My only hopes are that I have time to make my next transition as easy as possible for my family and friends, and that I have as peaceful an ending as Bob did.
Somewhere, perhaps, he is laughing at the ironies of life, and wishing me strength and hope.
In the meantime, I am writing on.
Kait Carson
Charlene D’Avanzo 
No, Lea! This breaks my heart. I’m so sorry. I’ve been praying for you since you told us about Bob’s illness. I’ll continue to pray for you. I hope you will continue to feel fine for some time to come. Strength, courage, hope, faith, and above all, love.
Holy crap, Lea. I’m gobsmacked! We’ve never met, but I’ve followed your posts forever and feel like a friend. I’m so sorry for your loss of Bob. My dad went the same way, quietly at home, and we’ve always been thankful for that. I do agree with you to make the most of each day and do what makes you happy or comfortable or whatever you feel at the moment. I don’t pray, but you will be in my thoughts. with love Julianne
My stomach dropped when I saw the title – so very sorry … all I can say is thank you very much for everything you have given to me through your writing and sharing. You are amazing.
Oh, Lea…I am so sorry. Please know you’ve been in my prayers since Bob passed but now I wish you even more strength, faith and love on this new journey that you’re taking. Thank you for sharing your life, love and words with all of us.
Oh Lea, I am so very sorry to hear this terrible news. I recently reviewed Death and a Pot of Chowder and absolutely loved it. Thank you for sharing your gift of writing with myself and so many others, and into your life. You and your family will be in my prayers.. God bless…
Oh, Lea. Such terrible news. I’m sending big hugs from Virginia.
Oh, Lea, I am sorry to hear this. I hope you will keep those of us who read the blog updated. My prayers will be for you and your family during this time. Thank you for sharing with us and letting us know.
Dear Lea, I am sending you so much love.
Sending you strength.
Lea,
My thoughts and prayers are with you, as they were with Bob, through every step of your journey.
Oh no! We’ve never met but through your books and blog posts. Reading another twist in the road post gave me the same feelings as when my sister told me that she had bladder cancer. I’ve seen your strength and courage in caring for your husband, I’m sending more strength, hope ,and love. The force is female.
I’ll be thinking you.
Lea. I only want to swear and yell. I’m sorry. This just sucks. –Reine
Lea, I am so sorry.
Please take care of yourself and know how many lives you have touched with your words and your bravery.
oh. i don’t know what to say. you are so lovely and have had such a time. damn.
This is almost more than my heart can hold for you..but I will hold it (and your journey) because that is what people who can, do. I am sad, I have no words but those of being in your balcony..and I thnak you forallowing some of us to walk this journey in some way near you. ♥️
So very sorry to hear your news.
I am so very sorry. I did not expect this when I opened this up. Your writing has been such a pleasure for me to read, your posts have brought me closer to you in my own mind, now I feel like I know you. This is not what I would have thought would be happening for you. You are truly an amazing, brave, talented and wonderful person. I have been blessed to connect with you on Facebook. Thank you so much for sharing this with us and allowing us into your life before, now and in the future. My thoughts and prayers are with you always.
Lea, your fortitude astounds. Thank you for sharing such a life-altering story. I am thinking of you…💜
Oh Lea, I’m so sorry to get this news. I wish you strength and resilience as you enter this fight. We’re all at your back.
Oh, Lea, I am so very sorry to hear this. Sending hugs and prayers for you and your family.
There are no words. I think we will all be with you every step of the way you care to share. .
You are in my heart.
I’m so sorry. I don’t know if it’s worth saying, but I had an aunt live more than 18 months of fairly normal life after her diagnosis. Thank you for sharing your journey with Bob, and thank you for sharing this beginning journey of yours. I was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months after my partner of 12 years died of a heart attack. My deepest pain was that he wasn’t there to hold my hand. I know that Bob is with you in your heart. I’m truly sorry that he can’t be with you in person.
That’s a twist in the road I wasn’t expecting to read about! Lea, I’m so sorry to hear about Bob’s passing, and of your diagnosis. It’s not fair, and it stinks. Praying for you to have strength and many great months ahead of you.
Oh, Lea, I am so very sorry to hear this. I’ve always admired your courage in adversity. I hope this courage stays with you and that the love of your family and friends supports you. I pray that the chemo gives you the good time you want. Prayers and love, Carole
Called and left a message when I thought I was in control, but that seems to have lasted about 5 seconds into the call! It is such an unfair cosmic joke the gods are playing. We used to laugh that with your matriarchal line, you were doomed to live to 110 at the least! But perhaps psychically, spirituality this is the end that was writ to your beautiful love story with Bob. But I wish it wasn’t so. I would like to still come visit you while/ if you are able, not too long, not to tire you. But how I regret putting off that trip to Maine! I am thinking may be Aug. 1 if you would be up for it. We can talk. Or we can get on a jet and fly somewhere you always wanted to see. Just let me know. It would help me.
Dearest Lea, You have such strength and grace – in your writing and in your life. I am sending you my deepest best wishes during this journey. Love, Emma
Words fail me.
My thoughts are with you in this extremely difficult time, Lea.
I am so sorry. Life is so unjust. You are a kind and courageous woman. I wish you strength.
Dear Lea, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I am humbled by your grace.
Oh no Lee, I had to read this twice for it to sink in.
Oh, Lea, I am so very sorry to hear your news. Wishing you all possible ease and peace as you continue journeying.
Lea, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I made this journey with Connie, my wife of 36 years. She passed in October 2006. If there is anything I can do to help don’t hesitate to contact me.
Lea,
My prayers are with you and your family!
Thinking of you, Lea. I too am available if there is even the smallest thing I can do. Sending you my love.
I am so sorry…sending you strength and lots of prayers.
Oh Lea! I somehow missed this in my FB posts and dear Calla alerted me. I am in tears and feeling numb at this awful news. You totally don’t deserve this. You were already in my prayers but now more urgently. My late boss had the same diagnosis and actually carried on for about 18 months and was pretty active through it all. So I hope you get good quality care that makes that possible. I’m glad your children and grandchildren are being attentive and you have that comfort. Your journey is in my heart and my heart will walk it with you. The world needs you but our Lord has other ideas, I guess. Take very good care of yourself and spend your days doing what pleases you.
Dear God, Lea. No words. You’ll be in my prayers constantly and miracles happen every day.
Lea, I am so sorry to hear the news. My prayer for you is for strength and peace. Good Lord, would anyone even believe a plot twist like this if you wrote it in a book? My next read is one of yours: Shadows on a Morning in Maine which I purchased from a bookstore in Bar Harbor.
You are in my thoughts!
Dear Lea, for years your writing, books and blogs, have been such a joy and we’ve laughed and cried with you along the way. This is such sad news and others have said it all, while the more truthful posts, are that there really are no words. It’s my prayer that Bob is waiting for you on the other side and will take your hand and lead you gently to the heavenly land. Praying for your family to be there to comfort and care for you when you are unable to care for yourself. In the days ahead, know how very much joy you’ve brought to so many through your writing and your life. Spend the remainder of your time on earth doing what makes you happy and brings you the most joy knowing our thoughts and prayers are with you along the way. Phyllis “Bo” Camp
So very, very sorry. I met you at a conference and have enjoyed reading your blog posts as well as your books since then. I am amazed by the grace with which you are approacing this.
Oh, Lea, I am so very sorry for all you have gone through and will face. You will be in my prayers.
So sorry to hear this. I know it must be devastating. I wish well on your journey. I hope the chemo is successful in delaying the outcome. My prayers are with you. You are brave to share your pain…again.
Oh, Lea. My heart is in my throat reading this. Sending you big beams of love and promises to be there for what you may need.
xo Brenda
Lea, I can’t tell you how sorry I am to hear this and how much I admire your courage and attitude. I lost my father to pancreatic cancer. You will be in my daily thoughts and prayers. Keep on writing.
So very, very sorry!
I am so very very sorry. You are one of my favorites as I read this all I can think is no no no thinking of you
This is unbelievable and unacceptable! You are so kind and so talented and have been through so much already. My thoughts will be with you Lea! 🌾