Kaitlyn Dunnett/Kathy Lynn Emerson here. Fair warning—I’m in a grumpy mood.
Did you ever have one of those days when nothing goes right? They seem to happen more and more often as I age, and the culprit, much of the time, is the anonymous know-it-all who decided to make consumer products difficult (sometimes impossible) to open for our protection.
First let me say that, for a 78 year old, I’m in pretty good shape. None of my ailments are life-threatening. They are all relatively minor. I just have a lot of them. So, here are a few of the items with which I’ve had recent battles.
I wear hearing aids. It used to be that you peeled back the cardboard on a packages of batteries and there was a handy little wheel that allowed you to pop out one at a time at an easy-to-lift flap. Not anymore. First you have to cut through cardboard and plastic, a challenge for me, since I have arthritis in both hands and three fingers that don’t have full sensitivity thanks to failed carpal tunnel surgery. I turned this job over to my husband of fifty-six years and he had almost as hard a time as I did. Problem solved? Nope. The next instruction was to separate the two halves of the plastic, lifting it up to let one battery out. We both ended up slicing fingertips trying to do that. Success came at length, but with a cost in lost blood and tempers. I keep trying to find a brand that isn’t as hard to get into, but no company’s packaging of hearing aid batteries lets you get a proper look until after you buy.
To keep my eye pressure good and avoid developing glaucoma, I use eye-doctor-prescribed eye drops. The first challenge is getting the hard plastic wrap (for my protection) off the tiny bottle. This requires a paring knife and usually results in a nick or two. Then, of course, the top doesn’t just twist off easily. I need another tool to actually open the darn thing.
Stop smiling. It isn’t all that funny.
Okay, on to something else. As regular readers of this blog know, we have a cat, Shadow. Once upon a time, we had an electric can opener to open cat food cans, but then lift tops came along. For our safety, they don’t come off easily. For the last six months or so, my process has been to pry the pop top upright using a table knife and then insert the claw end of this useful tool (actually called a catspaw), to pry the lid up and off. I’m sure I look ridiculous doing this, but it’s easier than damaging a finger (assuming I can even get one of my arthritic fingers into the ring on the lift top). This also works for cans of soup and canned mushrooms. Canned corned beef requires a totally different technique!
I owe a big thank you to every writer at a writers conference who gave away the promotional items like the ones shown below. These are lifesavers for opening bottles and jars. Unfortunately, they don’t help with the ones that want you to squeeze the sides and turn while pushing down on the top, or the ones that make you line up arrows and then cause you to break your fingernails when you try to “pull up to open.”
More helpful hints, anyone? After all, none of us are getting any younger.
Kathy Lynn Emerson/Kaitlyn Dunnett has had sixty-four books traditionally published and has self published others. She won the Agatha Award and was an Anthony and Macavity finalist for best mystery nonfiction of 2008 for How to Write Killer Historical Mysteries and was an Agatha Award finalist in 2015 in the best mystery short story category. In 2023 she won the Lea Wait Award for “excellence and achievement” from the Maine Writers and Publishers Alliance. She was the Malice Domestic Guest of Honor in 2014. She is currently working on creating new editions of her backlist titles. Her website is www.KathyLynnEmerson.com.
I sympathise. Even plastic wrapped bagged goods (such as dried pasta and rice) aren’t easy to prise open anymore. When you do manage to rip the seal apart, it usually tears far more than you want it to, and you end up with pasta or rice everywhere. And those corned beef tins… what a nightmare!
Don’t get me started on bags! Not only are there problems with the ones foods come in, but storage bags drive me crazy, too. Sliders would be great if they didn’t make it harder to get things in and out because they make the opening smaller. I opt for twist tie closures over the kind you have to line up and press down on, but those are no picnic to fasten, either.
Hear hear! I am having the same difficulties. I had cataract surgery and I could NOT get the plastic off the small bottle of eye drops I bought. If my sister and I didn’t live together I would have had to call my son to come over and help. Other items are just as difficult to open.
It’s as if they don’t want us to be able to live on our own.
My husband is also struggling with those batteries. I struggle with push down and turn. Anyone got a Godzilla around? And that impenetrable plastic? Cooking would be impossible without scissors. They sure aren’t keeping us old folks safer.
Kate
I sometimes think I should just leave the kitchen shears on the counter. They are in and out of the drawer at least a dozen times a day.
1-Keep a shotgun handy as a last resort for childproof packages. If using the butt doesn’t do the trick, turn the gun around and blast the sucker. It might ruin the kitchen/bathroom/pantry, but will give you a feeling of satisfaction.
2-Save the particularly difficult ones for when the religious folks come to the door. Welcome them in by saying “God must have sent you, can you open this?”
3-Avoid ANY product that says ‘new and improved’. It’s guaranteed to be smaller, more expensive, and near impossible to access.
Good morning, John. Sandy and I knew we could count on you for helpful hints!
I am rolling on the floor! But John, seriously, I suggest taking the package and shotgun outside, toss it in the air, draw a bead, and blast that sucker in midair. No damage to walls, bathroom, or pantry.
1. If you can locate an old CD case opener, it also works on the type of packing the batteries are in
2. You can continue to use the electric can opener even on cans with the handy (ha!) pull ring
3. I use the grippers (like those red giveaways that you show) to hold the eye drop bottles while using a box cutter to split the safety(?) plastic.
Getting old ain’t easy, is it?
It sure isn’t. My husband is handy with a box cutter, but I’d probably slice my finger off if I tried to use one. I’m dangerous enough with scissors or a paring knife.
OMG, spot on!!!
Love this! Those eye drop bottles are killers. A knife is the only way to get through the plastic. And what about condiment squeeze bottles. Not only do you have to remove the surrounding plastic, but you then have to unscrew the top AND remove the undercover. I swear, by the time I’m finished I feel like Karen Black in Trilogy of Terror squatting in the corner with the knife.
Two handy tips – there’s a gadget to open ring pulls – it looks much like a cat’s paw but smaller, and if you have kitchen sheers – that toothy thing in the middle is a bottle/jar opener. Can’t tell you how many years it took me to figure that one out.