Last June 17 — about fourteen weeks ago — I was dizzy, and visited the emergency room of a local hospital here in Maine. Twenty-four hours later I was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer, metastasized The doctor who gave me the news said I might have a year to live, if I was lucky.
I had no idea I was ill. I’d spent the past several years caring for my husband, who’d died April 9. Since his death I’d updated my legal documents and taken care of my husband’s estate. I’d planned to spend the rest of 2018 catching up with writing deadlines and settling into a new normal.
Now everything had changed.
During the following three weeks I had three biopsies, many blood tests, two MRIs, and my first chemo treatments. When all those results were in, my oncologist told me that my condition was worse than he’d first thought. The lesions on my liver were close to blocking bile ducts; when that happened (which would be in either hours or days) I’d develop a serious infection which would kill me. I didn’t have “maybe a year”. I had, at best, “two-three months.”
I wrote about my situation on Facebook and on this blog and was overwhelmed with notes, calls, flowers, angels, prayers and thoughts. (Thank you, all!)
My priorities changed. I decided to self-publish two historical novels that hadn’t sold, but that I wanted to be out in the world. I contacted libraries and schools where I’d agreed to speak, and warned them I might not be able to be there as I’d promised. I met with the friend who’d agreed to be my literary and personal executor, and went over what I’d want him to do after I died. My four daughters all visited Maine to be with me. On August 9, with just the immediate family present, my youngest daughter, who’d been engaged for more than fifteen years, got married on the front lawn of our home. I still felt well — and went for regular chemo treatments and took heavy doses of antibiotics. Every week I had blood tests to see how my 
body was reacting.
A week after Liz’ wedding my blood tests came back with “atypical” results. The lesions on my liver had shrunk dramatically, and my white blood count was way down.
My oncologist shook his head. “This doesn’t happen,” he explained. “You might have months to live instead of weeks.”
Again, my priorities changed. The two historical novels I wanted to publish are now on Amazon. In the past six weeks I’ve bought a wig and spoken at two libraries and one school. My agent is encouraging me to get back to writing, and is looking at an historical mystery I’ve finished.
Yes — I still have stage four cancer. I’m tired a lot of the time. One or more of my daughters are with me, and take me to chemo treatments, run errands, bring me juice to 
drink and nag me when they don’t think I’m eating enough.
I’m trying to get back to writing, but it is hard. How much time do I have?
I don’t know. But, then, do any of us?
In the meantime, I’m still here. I still thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. And, on good days, I can write a little.
No, this isn’t fun. I’m frustrated by being unable to plan very far ahead. I’m so glad I was able to take care of my husband when he needed me, and that my daughters are trying to take care of me now.
But death is a part of life — and I’m still here, planning for the release of my next mystery October 30 (THREAD HERRINGS). And thanking all of you for supporting me and understanding in this difficult year.
Bless you for your courage and clarity, Lea.
So glad!
I am so glad you are doing better and I am looking forward to your new book the end of this month.
Thank you for the update! What a fabulous attitude you have. Sending positive vibes your way.
Thank you, Marilyn!
So happy to hear that chemo is doing a job for you. They say attitude is everything and yours is terrific. Looking forward to the latest book.
Oops, I hit the button before adding – what a great family you have.
I think so! And this year has tested a lot!
The best news ever! You are so right–none of us ever know how much longer we will be here. Love your daughters’ devotion!
Lea. I am clinging to the positives in your message and hoping that you, your incredible talent and your inspirational bravery will be with us for a longer time than we had previously gthought. You are a beacon to me and so many others of how to face the tough challenges of this that we are given. You are in my prayers. God bless. Louise
Thank you so much, Louise!
Hang tough, dear lady.
I’m blown away by your determination and courage, Lea. Sending you a million hugs ~
You have such grace and spirit, Lea. An inspiration to us all.
Lea, you are such an inspiration! Your strength, grace and positivity are just amazing . Sending you healing thoughts and prayers with lots of love.
Reblogged this on E.J. Runyon's Author Blog and commented:
One writer’s journey…
Lea,you are such an inspiration to all. I truely believe that there is power in prayer. You have so many praying for you,for strength,for courage,for healing.None of us know when God is gonna call us home.We just have to live each day as if it was our last.I know I’m trying. When my old joints and bones ache and I feel like I just can’t take another step,I keep moving cause I know there are so many so much worse off and living with much more pain than I am.I thank God for everyday he gives me. I am so glad that I found your books and have gotten to know you thru your posts. I pray that you will be granted more time here with your family and friends. I pray God gives you more pain free days. I pray that God will put his healing hands on you. I believe in miracles and I pray for one for you today.
Keep fighting the fight!
Sending much love from your Malice Domestic family! Because you know we’re family, one you picked and that picked you back…
I can’t even imagine showing the kind of strength that you have through all of this. To say you’re inspiring is an understatement. Know that you have touched a lot of people by sharing your story, probably many who may not reach out to tell you so who are dealing with their own cancer journey. Here’s to you dumbfounding more doctors and having more good days ahead, of family, friends and writing!
Lea I’m praying that a miracle happen for you. I look forward to reading about how you are doing. You are courageous and a good person
I’ll never forget you. Stay strong and positive.
Lea the anonymous person is Marian Smith-Ayres.
Love you, Anonymous Marian! So glad to be in touch! Lea
Lea I pray for you each night and ask God to show you his kindness, mercy and compassion and remove the cancer from your body. When my sister had lung cancer I told her the most positive thing to do was fight, fight and FIGHT. So I say to you, FIGHT. Don’t let the bastard cancer win. My sister beat her cancer and was a 13 year survivor when other issues took her. Praying each day you will get God’s grace as she did. Please listen to your daughters and take care of yourself. Love, hugs and prayers
Hugs to you, Lea.
Thank you for letting us all know how you are doing. We pray and hope. Your attitude is inspiring. God bless.
Lea, you give new, and deeper meaning to the words, “hanging in there.”
I too believe in miracles and am praying right now for you to have a complete healing. And I thank God for the healing you’ve had already.
Thank you for the update. I admire your courage and positive attitude. You are in my prayers. Looking forward to your new book this month!
Mercy.
Lea- thank you for the update- I think of you often and hope for the best!
I’ve enjoyed your books and continue to enjoy them- I am sure you know but what you do matters in the wider world and I am grateful that you will get some more time to continue sharing your writing with us!
Best, best, best to you! We don’t know each other, although we are both friends with John Clark. Nevertheless, I’ve been following your story with my heart in my throat. So glad you are keeping us posted! May the treatment continue to work.
Sending love and healing.
Thank you for the update, for sharing your journey, and your beautiful family. Sending love, light, and energy.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Bless your daughters and your great attitude.
Blessings to you.
Lea, thank you for this update. Every day you are with us is a blessing.
Thanks for the update Lea. I was going to call you last night, but it was too late. Will call soon.
You are an inspiration, Lea. Your daughters are blessed to have you and your example of grace and courage.
You continue to be in my daily prayers, Lea. Thank you for allowing us to share your journey. Your courage and your grace are examples to us all.
I’m continuing to keep you in my prayers! God Bless You and Give you Strength!
Think of you often and how brave you are! Sending warm, positive thoughts to you.
I’m so very sorry to hear your news. I’m new to your website/blog and had no idea. I wish you and your family peace, happiness and comfort.
Judy Kraus
Dear Lea, You are truly incredible and teach us all to live each day as fully as we are able. I am in Thessaloniki, Greece at the European Evaluation Society Conference. It is easy to see how this city has suffered over the past ten years. Will call when I am home next week.
Lea, I read every one of your posts with tears in my eyes. Sometimes tears of sadness, but always wishing you strength. I admire your grace in sharing this with so many strangers. Sending wishes for peace. – Lesa Holstine
You are so amazing. Thank goodness things are going better. You are truly an inspiration to everyone, the way you write, life and plan for what is to come. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Keeping you in my prayers and thoughts.
You are the very definition of a strong woman and an inspiration. I admire your courage and attitude. Your atypical results are definitely good news. Hope that continues. I’m thankful that you have wonderful daughters there to help. Keep fighting! My thoughts and prayers are with you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
Thank you, Lea. Wishing you well.
I am in AWE. You are an inspiration and a treasure. But remember–you ALWAYS were. YAAAAYY!
So many blessings that spring up from hardship. Wishing you multiples of many months! And you’re so right – none of us knows how long we have. Hugs, Lea.
Lea, thank you for sharing your good news. I pray that your “atypical” results continue and that others can bless you as you have blessed them.
What a remarkable woman you are! All of us have something to learn from your strength in the face of your illness and your clarity and practicality. Thank you for sharing your story. Wishing you continued strength, more atypical results and peace.
Your courage is an inspiration to all of us. Thank you for the update. You are so right. None of us know how much time we have left, so keep writing.
You are such an inspiration to all of us. We do never know when it is going to be our time so we need to make the best of what we have. We are not guaranteed tomorrow. I just pray that we all have your strength when it is our time. I am praying that you continue to get good updates and that your cancer continues to shrink. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! I am looking forward to reading your next book, so keep writing!
Lea, I’m amazed at your strength of purpose. Glad you’re news got better and hoping for still better news in the future.